Sasha Banks: HBIC

Saturday, June 28th, 2014

“@SashaHBIC: The BOSS makes her debut tomorrow, so Im working out w/ @AngeloDawkins! #HBIC #MissFit”

Sasha tweeted this after she finished her high intensity training. In other words, jumping rope until she got tired. She still had the plastic toy thing in her hand, and threw it like a lasso at her buddy Angelo. It wrapped around his head, and he nonchalantly shook it off. He skipped out on the workout and stuck with exercising his thumbs, checking out Twitter and Instagram. Boring.

She went over to the chair opposite from him and took a seat. She started scrolling through her feed too, when she came across something that upset her. She gasped dramatically, almost falling out of her chair. What she saw was truly shocking.

Sasha Banks: Angelo! ANGELO! Do you see this?! Are you seeing this right now? This is ridiculous! UGH!

She was having a legitimate meltdown. All Angelo did was look up at her over the rims of his hipster glasses. He grumbled before taking her iPhone from her and checking it out for himself. He chuckled then handed it back. Why was he laughing? He was supposed to be taking this seriously.

“@DeeDiva303: @SashaHBIC Um Girl why are u talking to urself? You rly have lost ur marbles SMH viewtopic.php?f=3&t=1753”

Sasha Banks: Can you believe they put this on the website! I didn’t give them permission to film me like that! When I’m so VULNERABLE!!

Angelo Dawkins: Sasha, you scheduled the cameras to be there. You don’t remember tellin’ that man you were going to shoot your promo?

Sasha Banks: NO! You’re supposed to keep up with that stuff for me, Angelo! You’re my ASSISTANT.

Angelo Dawkins: I thought I was your bodyguard.


UGH.

She tried to kick the jump rope away but slipped on it. She lost her footing but managed to stay vertical. She picked it up in frustration then threw it across the room. That was after it whipped her in the back.

Sasha Banks: I straight up said to myself that somethin’ like that would ruin me. And look. I’ve got chicks tweetin’ me this mess. It’s like I hijinxed myself.

After brooding a little longer she sat back down. When Angelo still didn’t show any emotion, Sasha smacked his phone out of his hand. It looks like he was the one "hijinxed" now.

Angelo Dawkins: What’s wrong with you! Damn!

Sasha Banks: Oh so when your PHONE gets knocked out you wanna defend your PHONE. What about me Angelo?! Where were you when Michelle McCruel was busy verbally ASSAULTIN’ me?!

Angelo Dawkins: It ain’t even like that.

Sasha smacked her lips. She stood up, collecting her things. She was ready to go.

Sasha Banks: I oughta invest in one of those human leashes those bougie people put on their kids so they don’t run away. Cuz you’re just like a child. A big head, big nose, big face, overgrown CHILD, Angelo!

Angelo grunted and went to pick up his phone. Sasha grabbed her things, and started walking towards the exit. The scene faded out.
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Sunday, June 29th, 2014
King of the Ring PPV

Sasha just got her final touch ups and was ready for her promo. Angelo didn’t need any real work done. He just needed to look fly, because he’d be in the background. Sasha in the front of course. She came second to no one. For her first true on screen capture, it’d be her and the camera. And Angelo. Nothing fancy, just her talking, which was far from fancy anyway.

Sasha Banks: Angelo! You ready?

Angelo Dawkins: For what? I’m just gonna be standin’ here.

Sasha wasn’t amused by his remark. She shook her head and took her place on the X marked for her to stand. Behind her was a backdrop with the EBWF logo on it. She was dressed up in a plain black business suit: a blazer, white tee underneath with the word BOSS, and a matching pencil skirt, and black wedge heels. She also wore her trademark gold shutter shades, which were a massive clash to the otherwise simple get up. Angelo stood beside her. His outfit clashed even more with hers. He wore an orange flannel shirt, khakis, a black snapback, and had headphones resting around his neck. A hot mess. She nodded to the camera man and he made the count down, and recording began.

Sasha Banks: Angelo, ask me a question.

He held out his hand, pretending to hold a mic. Whenever he spoke he held it close to him, and whenever Sasha spoke, he held it out to her.

Angelo Dawkins: Alright, have you seen that pic goin’ around showin’ Blue Ivy and Drake’s baby pic? They sayin’ that baby his! But it ain’t my business.

Sasha had to take her shades off for that one. What in the world was Angelo talking about?

Sasha Banks: Angelo, what the hell! Like, really, keep it wrestlin’ related. Duh. This isn’t TNT. I know I’m famous, but come on now.

Angelo Dawkins: You mean TMZ?

Sasha Banks: Yeah sure whatever. Angelo, ask me a question.

Angelo Dawkins: Ok, umm, well tonight you will be facing three other ladies in a fatal four way to get a shot at the women’s championship. What do you think about that?

Sasha Banks: That’s a great question Angelo! I am honored to be given the opportuntitty— OH. MY. G. Damn. That was hella embarassin'. Can we like, edit that out?

The producer shook his head yes and motioned for the scene to keep rolling.

Sasha cleared her throat and blew off her mistake. Angelo was trying not to laugh. How can someone mess up a word like that?

Sasha Banks: I’m honored to be given the CHANCE to participate in an event such as this. I’m obviously the most capable of all the ladies in this much. True talk. Now ask me about my opponents.

Angelo Dawkins: What about your opponents.

It wasn’t even a question to him.

Sasha Banks: Are you asking me or tellin’ me, Angelo? I don’t like bein’ bossed around because I’M The Boss.

Angelo Dawkins: Girl you know what I’m doin’ just answer the question.

Sasha put a hand up in his face and clipped her shades to her blazer pocket.

Sasha Banks: Which opponent Angelo? There’s FOUR.

Angelo Dawkins: There’s three opponents Sasha. You're not supposed to count yourself. Why don’t you say something about, ahemhmhmhmmh, Evaaa Mariiieeee.

He sung out her name to the tune Ava Maria. Sasha nodded her head in approval and smiled. She was happy to find that out.

Sasha Banks: Oooo Eva Marie in this match? She’s my BOO! We’ll take care of these other girls. I don’t have anything to say about her. I know she got my back just like I got hers. NEXT.

Angelo Dawkins: Ok then. Alexa Bliss.

Sasha Banks: Who’s that?

Angelo Dawkins: You know, the tiny cheerleader. From NXT.

Sasha Banks: Oh SNAP. Hold on. Wait a minute... Whaaat? Oh HELL no. Alexa Bliss? I think she snorts some of that glitter she blows out at the crowd. Her eyes twinkle. That’s super natural. If I were her I’d go to the doctor and get her eyes checked. She could get cat-tracks and that ain’t natural, either.

The camera man looked over his shoulder at the producer, who just shook his head. There was no way to cut that out without it messing up the flow of the taping. Her head was bobbing every which way. It added to the comedy of it all.

Sasha Banks: She’s like a my little pony, all that rainbow in her hair, and the frills and the glitter and sparkles. I know I’m pretty like a Barbie but do you see me going around acting like Rihanna, shining bright like a diamond? NO! Byeeeee. Next.

Angelo Dawkins: The last one. Mickie James.

Sasha put a hand to her chest and looked shocked.

Sasha Banks: Mickie James? Ain’t that the psycho who was obsessed with Trish Stratus? I hope she’s not tryin’ that mess again. Trish, you better hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide yourself because this girl Mickie is back and spookin’ everybody.

Angelo Dawkins: Trish Stratus doesn’t have a wife. But I wouldn’t mind if she did, know what I’m sayin’?

Sasha Banks: Shut up Angelo! Interrupting me like that. Tuh. So we have me, The Boss, and Eva, The Maxim Model. Aka the normal chicks in this match. Then we have the girl who looks like she only eats pom poms, Alexa Bliss, and then we got Mickie LAMES, so it’s obvious I am the most illegible to become number one contender for the women’s title. Or Eva. But it’s probably gonna be me.

She was trying too hard to sound professional. Ever since she came up on the women's champion, she found herself attempting to outdo her.

Angelo Dawkins: Yeah, you’re the most eligible.

Sasha Banks: That’s what I said. Do you ever listen to me?

Angelo folded his arms over his chest and groaned, unable to take much more. When Sasha turned back to face the camera, he look both ways then ducked out of the shot. Sasha was talking to herself.

Sasha Banks: If Alexa or Mickie think they’re gonna beat either Eva or myself for a chance at the women’s championship, they’re delusional. It’s nothing but a pigment of their imagination. Ain’t that right Angelo.

The self professed HBIC waited for him to respond. But he didn’t, because he wasn’t there.

Sasha Banks: I said, Ain’t that right, ANGELO.

She turned around and saw for herself he wasn’t there. Again. He ditched her, AGAIN!

Sasha Banks: Angelo?! Ain’t this some bull... ANGELO!!

Sasha also left the set to go on the hunt for Angelo. That left the video to come to an end, focusing on the company logo as the video cut off with the “Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By” screenshot.

I'm a Boss... Right?

**As the video found on ebwf.net begins, the words “Earlier Today” are seen in the bottom right corner, and the EBWF Logo on the bottom left**

“@SashaHBIC: Backstage w/my boy @AngeloDawkins, where are the cameras!?”

The tweet was live from backstage at the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines, Iowa. Sasha was busy trying to make a name for herself, with no luck. Then again it was kind of her fault. She came in right when the King and Queen of the Ring Tournaments began. She didn’t even get a spot! And tonight, the tournament for the divas was officially beginning.

Sasha Banks: Angelo, I wanna know why I’M not in the Queen of the Ring tournament!

Angelo Dawkins: You signed your contract after they booked it! It ain’t my fault, that’s all on y—

Sasha Banks: Shut up Angelo.

She was offended. Even though it was her fault, she was offended. And poor Angelo. He was always on the receiving end of her unreasonable reasoning.

Sasha Banks: Anyways, Summer sent me this list of all the divas we hate. Natalya, Trish Stratus, The Beautiful People—

She gagged.

Sasha Banks: Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool. Basically the older people. All we have on our side is Eva Marie. Did Summer even think this through?! This is basic allegra or whatever math is called…

Angelo didn’t make a sound. Probably because he was nodding off, unable to consciously experience whatever Sasha was talking about. But it’d save him the trouble. Sasha was acting like a fool, and sadly basic "allegra" was just the beginning.

Sasha Banks: Angelo!

He sat up a little straighter after clearing his throat.

Angelo Dawkins: What!

Sasha Banks: Ugh, never mind. I found out I’m not the only new girl either.

She stopped and thought about it for a minute then smacked her hand on the table when she figured it out. Angelo jumped in his seat, and rubbed at his eye like he had been sleeping. Well, he had been.

Sasha Banks: All of them are just a… Hot mess.

She shuddered before putting the paper down on the table. Angelo closed his eyes again, since it was pointless to keep them open.

Sasha Banks: Some of them are so scandalous even Olivia Pope would be like “Biyeeee.” Ha.

Angelo chuckled a little.

Sasha Banks: I’m being serious. These girls think just cuz I’m Snoop Dogg’s—

She had to correct herself. It just wasn’t right.

Sasha Banks: These girls think just cuz I’m Snoop Lion’s cousin I’m gonna be easy to get to roll over and lie down and do tricks. Um, they’ve got it twisted! I may be a pit bull but I don’t answer to anyone except myself.

Angelo Dawkins: That would have sounded a lot better if you went with Snoop Dogg. And, you’re more like a Chihuahua.

Sasha Banks: Aww, thanks Angelo.

He really didn’t mean that as a compliment... He shook his head.

Sasha Banks: Most of the divas here are in their Dirty Thirties. And I’m just starting my Roarin’ Twenties!

Sasha gasped.

Sasha Banks: MAJOR Flashback! The Great Depression! Can you believe that? Even the Women’s Champ is hella old. She doesn’t have much time left on her clock. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had Old-Timers. It’s sooo possible for her! And some of the other girls especially at their age. Angelo, can you believe this?

Old-Timers, really? That was embarrassing., and that was the last straw for Angelo. He just got up and walked away.

The whole time Sasha was talking she had been scrolling down her Twitter feed, not realizing Angelo had gotten up and left.

Sasha Banks: Angelo. Angelo? ANGELO!

She turned her head and gasped. How could he have left her! People would think she was talking to herself. She was upset by this.

Sasha Banks: Ugh, this is NOT a good image for me, I swear if anybody caught me talkin’ to a wall I’ll be ruined.

Ironically, a camera man had been recording the whole time. Another thing she failed to notice. She got up and walked off camera, leaving its operator confused.

Camera Man: I thought this was supposed to be your promo?

Now he was the one talking to a wall. But for him, it wasn’t on tape, unlike Sasha’s conversation. He shrugged and packed up his gear, before leaving the scene. The video fades out to black before returning seconds later.

The scene picked up and cameras were following Sasha Banks again. She was still backstage, only this time, Warfare was live. Michelle McCool was watching the show from a tv monitor, when Sasha came up beside her. It was a few seconds before Michelle realized someone else was in the room. When she turned her head she jumped, being caught off guard and took a step back.

Michelle McCool: Oh my—it looks like we have another rat infestation! Ugh.

Sasha was taken aback. She placed a hand on her chest and looked at Michelle with a similar look of disgust. So it was true that Michelle had a mean streak... but apparently it went on 24/7.

Michelle McCool: I’m so sorry. I thought you were… someone else. Don’t look so heartbroken. What am I doing? I should introduce myself, how rude of me.

She went to hold out her hand for a sincere shake, but her demeanor changed.

Michelle McCool: Wait… Who are you?

Sasha Banks: Who are you?!

They both looked at each other, clearly shocked. How could Sasha not know who Michelle was? Better yet, how could Michelle not know who Sasha was?

I asked you first!

The two asked each other at the same time. Michelle held up her title.

Michelle McCool: Are you serious!?

Sasha shrugged.

Sasha Banks: Like I said, who are you??

She had that catty smirk on her face. Her hands were on her hips, too. It was almost like a challenge. Michelle sized her up.

Michelle McCool: You’re awful short. Why don’t you go hang out with El Dorito? You’re practically the same size as him.

Sasha Banks: I’m pretty sure it’s El Taquito. And don’t call me short. It only looks that way cuz you’re a giant. Tuh.

She turned and was now face in the direction of the camera, her eyes drifting to the floor, not being able to look at Michelle. She was about to start laughing. Michelle didn’t find it funny. Of course she didn’t.

Michelle McCool: Ohhh, now I know who you are! Aren’t you Snoop Dogg’s cousin? Purse Chihuahua or something like that?

Sasha turned so fast that Michelle had to take another step back to avoid being knocked over.

Sasha Banks: It’s Snoop Lion now. Not Dogg. And yes, I am in fact, Snoop Lion’s cousin. And who are you callin' a purse chihuahua? That's about the most lame-buck insult I've heard in my LIFE! But... you won’t know me only as his cousin soon.

Sasha’s smirk came back and she crossed her arms confidently. She was the Boss. For a few seconds. Michelle was busy trying to figure out what in the world lame-buck insult was. She figured out she must have meant "lame duck"...

Michelle McCool: Really? Do you think that running with Summer Rae and Eva Marie of all people will boost your career here? Please. And by the way you mix up your words you wouldn't get very far by yourself either. You should be the new poster child for malapropisms...

Sasha was shocked. She pointed to herself to try and act like she didn’t know what Michelle was talking about. How’d she already know? The self-proclaimed HBIC signed only a few days ago.

Sasha Banks: Stop tryna act like you're so bougie, throwin' around words like malproperisms and all that... And Summer and Eva? There's no way you could---

Michelle laughed out loud, right in Sasha's face and cut her off.

Michelle McCool: That’s right, I already know. I’m the EBWF Women’s Champion. Hi, nice to meet you.

Sasha couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not. She slowly extended her hand out for a shake but reeled her arm in quickly when Michelle started again. She was kind of scary now.

Michelle McCool: I know what goes on back here. I watch the Twitter feed. I read the website. I watch all the diva’s promos. This is my division. You should probably make a habit of keeping up with things so you know who you’re talking to. Your “crew” has already stepped on quite a few people’s toes. Since you decided to associate yourself with that group, I already don’t like you, Sasha Banks.

Sasha's jaw dropped to the floor and she exhaled silently. That was rude.

Michelle McCool: The sad part is I might have actually liked you. But you’ve already screwed up. Day one in this business and you already have enemies. An entire locker room against you. And you haven’t even had a match yet! Oh my. You’re fa bright little child.

At this point Michelle was starting to bore Sasha. Until the next statement got her attention. Michelle sighed. It seemed like for a second she eased up.

Michelle McCool: Don’t take it personally.

Sasha Banks: I wasn’t. You don’t scare me. You’re just a trip.

She noticed Michelle rolled her eyes so she did too.

Michelle McCool: Not that many people like me either. I’m just smarter than you are about it. Have fun with your two friends. You can tell them all about our little conversation, and maybe they'll take the hint that they're in for it. I hope the rest of the diva’s division doesn’t make your time here miserable. You look fragile and probably couldn’t handle much. How do you bid your farewells? “Biyeeee”, right? See you around, girly.

Sasha looked on after the women’s champion left the room, before turning around and bumping into something. Angelo Dawkins had just walked up after witnessing what just went down. Sasha was livid. All she could do was ball her fists up at him. He left earlier, and now he decided to show up.

Angelo Dawkins: Damn, she told you Sasha!

Sasha huffed and pushed past Angelo, who shrugged and followed behind his “friend”. The video ended with a fadeout into the EBWF logo.