The premiere episode started off with the turn up theme song
“Swaggerific” by Verbz, which accompanied the coming images that appeared on
screen. First, Eva Marie, followed by a picture of Sasha Banks, and lastly
Summer Rae. All were dressed to perfection in their respective pictures. The
introduction package came to an end with the show title “Fashion Police: EBWF
Edition”, before fading into the staging area.
Attention ladies and gentlemen! Here are your EBWF FASHION
POLICE!
The audience cheered for their Fashionistas. The camera cut
to each individual, showing a name plate underneath each diva as she got her 5
seconds of glory. The stage was set up
with a classy theme; each diva sat in a white satin chair with dark wooden
framing. On the floor beneath them, a silver and black rug decorated the stage,
with a glass coffee table and white rose centerpiece to complete the room set.
The backdrop behind the women was a typical city skyline at sunset, with a lacy
curtain covering it, and more silver drapery on the sides. When the music and
audience died down, the show officially began.
Summer Rae: That's right, welcome to the first ever edition
of EBWF Fashion Police! Being brought to you by EBWF's hottest, most
fashionable divas to date, Sasha Banks, Eva Marie, and myself, Summer Rae. I'd
say this has been a long time coming, wouldn't you, ladies?
Sasha Banks: You best believe, Summer! Some of the people in
EBWF need a savior. And I’m not talkin’ about prayin’ to the Lord, even though
it looks like some of them need Jesus. I’m talking about the fact some of these
fools run around like their momma’s still dress them!
Eva Marie: I couldn't agree more. I mean, EBWF is a
multi-million dollar company, and I personally believe that each and every one
of us who represent this company should always be dressed to impress. Quite
frankly, I feel it makes us look bad by association when a fellow EBWF
superstar looks like they buy their clothes from the dollar store, and that is
unacceptable. This isn't TNA, people!
Summer Rae: The two of you read my mind! All that being
said, who better to coach these slugs in fashion 101 than the three of us? So,
without further ado, let's get started with our first subject, AJ Lee.
The image appeared on the screen and the audience reacted
with a series of gasps. Sasha put a hand to her chest and made her stank face,
Eva's jaw dropped and she stared a little wide-eyed, and Summer wore a look of
disgust.
Sasha Banks: Ugh, just look at that. You MAGGOT! Ew! Was she
drunk in this pic or what?! AJ. Really girl, get yourself together. First of
all, thanks for proving to us you also buy your push-up bras from Target too.
It's no surprise you wear one, cuz you got mosquito bites for boobs, but... I
can't even begin to describe how offended I am right now! WHY are you licking
yourself?! Is that how you stay clean? ‘Cuz you sure do look and act like a dirty
ass ferald feline. You got that mangy mane goin’ on too. Please, someone call
animal control, not the Fashion Police.
All three ladies snap their fingers in unison as the first
image of AJ disappeared from the screen. However, it was quickly replaced with
yet another picture which was met with a similar reaction to the first.
Eva Marie: It's safe to say that I'm more afraid of this
picture than I'll ever be of AJ in person. I just...I don't understand how
someone could be so inconsiderate to everyone's eyes! This is exactly what
comes to mind when I think dollar store wardrobe. First of all, nothing
matches! Red and camouflage? You've got to be kidding me. Normally I'm all
about All Red Everything, but this little runt absolutely tarnishes
it...the nerve! Even that backdrop screams "I'm broke". Ugh...there's
no way AJ was in her right mind when she took this picture. Who on Earth would
willingly allow something like this to surface on the internet? A word of
advice, AJ, next time you have the bright idea to try and play model, I would
suggest not showing up drunk off your 12-year-old boy ass and consider taking
out a loan to pay for something at least half decent to wear.
Summer Rae: Oh. My. God. All I have to say is... NEXT!
Once again, the trio snapped their fingers all at the same
time, triggering the disappearance of the second photograph of AJ Lee. They
were far from finished, though, which became apparent when the screen displayed
a picture of the self proclaimed "Anti-Diva" Paige.
Sasha Banks: Umm, am I lookin’ at a penguin or what? Paige
is pale as hell. I take that back because she is so white she would make hell
freeze over. Tuh. That Barney the dinosaur shade of lipstick has to go boo boo.
It’s clashin’ with your tramp vamp style. Your hair looks like crow feathers.
You got raccoon eyes. And you look like a penguin. Oh. My. G. Animal farm
disaster. Please go back to the barnyard! Someone that looks that messy outside
the ring definitely has no chance survivin’ IN the ring. BYEEEEE.
Sasha rolled her eyes and waved in the direction of the big
screen before initiating what was now clearly the three divas' signature: the
snap. Just as AJ's, Paige's first picture was replaced with yet another,
equally as unflattering.
Eva Marie: Casper, is that you?! Oh no, it couldn't be,
because Casper would never be so cruel as to plague us with...this. Wait, I
know, it's the grudge! With that greasy hair and that embarrassing scream,
which is definitely for attention might I add, it's a perfect match! Oh,
nevermind...it's just Paige. What's the difference though, really? I mean,
Paige is pretty much built for a horror film. She obviously hasn't seen the
light of day for more than a few milliseconds in all of her 21 years of
existence. Who thinks that white-as-snow skin is a good look? Seriously, she
looks diseased. But hey, maybe that's why she's always screaming. The pain of
looking so much like a grudged-out snow elf, mixed with the lack of anyone
wanting to lay eyes on her must be excruciating. If we were on set of a horror
movie, Paige would fit right in, but in EBWF? Not even in her wildest dreams.
She's beyond help, not even our expertise could help her out.
Summer Rae: I swear, they were talking about us when they
said "great minds think alike", because the two of you laid it down
so well, I couldn't possibly have anything else to add on! AJ...Paige...awful.
Simply awful in every way possible.
Summer, Sasha, and Eva all smiled at each other before
snapping their fingers one final time, leaving the big screen completely blank.
Summer then cleared her throat before glancing back and forth between her two
comrades.
Summer Rae: There's a reason why we selected AJ and Paige
for our first episode of EBWF Fashion Police, and that's because you two are
going to team up for the first time ever, an absolutely momentous occasion -
which is only being ruined by the fact that it will be against those two
basketcases on Warfare. I'm so sorry you're going to be forced to look at them
so close up in the ring...
Summer's head drooped as she shook it back and forth,
reaching over a placing a hand on Sasha's leg in sympathy. Both Eva and Sasha's
heads bowed down in shame as well.
Sasha Banks: I know… We’re so unfortunate. I’m scared their
ugly will rub off on us. And then Eva and myself would have to wear paper bags
over our heads or something. That would be terrible. No one would get to see
our beautiful faces.
Eva Marie: And that would be a true disservice to all of our
adoring fans. Do you realize how many people come to the shows just to see us?
Don't get me wrong, I know we're miles and miles ahead of them in every way
possible, and individually putting them against us wouldn't be a threat at all,
but both of them together...the aggressiveness of their ugly might actually
overshadow our good looks!
Eva and Sasha seemed to be completely distraught over the
mere thought of staring at AJ and Paige from across the ring. Summer held a
hand to her heart before all three began to burst out into laughter.
Summer Rae: As if! I mean, don't get me wrong, they're the
biggest messes in the history of EBWF, but nothing could ever, ever diminish
how good the two of you look.
Eva Marie: How good the three of us look.
Summer Rae: Exactly. I know you two are going to run through
those two quicker than men run away when they see them coming. And just think,
once you get the one, two three, you two are going to be number one contenders
to the EBWF women's tag team championships.
Sasha nodded and Eva looked away dreamily, both appearing to
fantasize about winning their match.
Sasha Banks: And after that, we’ll BE the EBWF Women’s tag
team champions! Of course we can’t get that far without your help, Summer. I mean,
you are the glue that holds this crew together.
Eva Marie: You really say it best when you say out with the
old...
Eva, Sasha & Summer: And in with the new!
With that said the pilot episode came to an end with the
theme song "Swaggerific" playing in the background. The trio gave
were seen carrying on conversation as the video ended.